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Let’s get intimate with your unconscious
and learn it’s unique language.

Envy Medicine

by

It was a quiet fall morning in the middle of the Pandemic when a sweet old friend of mine told me about a program someone she follows on IG was offering. A simple and thoughtful act would eventually lead me straight into my ongoing struggle with comparison and envy.

Truthfully, there wasn’t much that didn’t lead me to that space!

So, here I was exploring her Instagram feed a lot, watching her stories, obsessing over her website, and concocting a plan for how I could ultimately duplicate her life and make it my own. At first, this felt inspiring. The thought that after I did X, Y, Z, I would be just as amazing as she appeared to be! But that inspiration (which was very ego-centric) eventually gave way to my fear that I’d never actually have a life like hers, and my anger that she was special enough to have this life and I, clearly, was not.

This is not a new battle for me. So instead of sitting in the eye of the storm, I decided to instead explore what medicine envy had for me. I cracked open my book “The Language of Emotions” by Karla McLaren and got to studying.

While I highly recommend this book to anyone who’s interested in learning the wisdom our emotions carry, I’ll drop a few nuggets here for you to ponder.

HIGHLIGHTS

• Envy vs. Jealousy: “Jealousy arises in response to unfaithfulness or deceit in an intimate relationship, while envy arises in response to the unfair distribution of resources or recognition.” Um- SO much more clear on that one! I love the distinction here.

• Both contain a mixture of anger and fear (as well as hatred so check your shadow!).

• “Envy uses anger and fear to help you identify risks to your position and your security in your social groups…” I love acknowledging the mixture of fear and anger. It was very validating. I also love how this explanation takes the emotion away from the person or thing you’re envying and puts the focus on how that person or thing represents your position of security and social standing.

• “Envy has a crucial protective function; it exists to keep us safely connected to the social structures and support we need to live and flourish.”

• Lastly, I realized that my envy was directly related to my lack of self-regard and worthiness. I was envious of her life, and I didn’t think it was possible for me.

Our emotions are potent and powerful messengers that will take us deeper into our wounds and release the power they hold so we can finally step into a life that is completely ours. So often we fear our emotions. Think that they will be “too much” for others. Or, too much for us to hold. But in reality, our emotions are a road map inward that will guide you through valleys, alleyways, over mountains, and under bridges. And if we dare to follow them, learn from them… We will remember our magic, for it is there, waiting for us to be brave enough to find it.